Sneaky Sunday

2023-12-31

Sneaky post, I don't think I will share this with my subscribers.. since it's not the most lolita related post.

I'm having a lot of mental health issues again unfortunately. I have extremely low self esteem and it really impacts my day to day life and how I interact with close ones. Just imagine going through every single day thinking you are ugly and worthless... It really impacts your energy levels and what you can do. I need constant reassurance that I'm not an awful person that deserves to be alone.

I am going through one of the hardest times of my life now. At least it feels like it. But when I zoom out and look at myself on paper, I should be so happy. Unfortunately I have had depression and anxiety since I was a preteen. The suffering gets to be too much on some days. I already consult mental health resources, but it's all so tiresome still.

Thanks to my friends for putting up with me. ;_;

I wil probably regret posting something so personal... but at the same time I wanted to share how difficult mental health issues can be ;_;

Picture of me wearing Mary Magdalene's Valeria




Ursa Major Retrospective Saturday

2023-12-31

I'm so terrible at posting consistently. I also feel like I'm a terrible writer, but I'll try to stay positive and write more... (I wonder if I really mean that, heh :sweat:)

Ursa Major is a lolita convention in the San Francisco Bay Area (where I live). apple salad, petit piaf, and ordovicienne came to visit for this convention!

On the second day of convention, apple salad and I organized a coordination of all colors (we organized it before hand) of Farutetto JSK by Mary Magdalene. I was able to find other girls from the local lolita community to wear the extra dresses. Both me and apple salad loaned dresses to other girls if they didn't own a dress. Typically classics are often underrepresented at these kinds of events so I was glad to make it happen.

And she was kind enough to loan me the mist color of Farutetto!!! T_T I felt so honored. It's not the easiest color to obtain since it was only released in China. Apple salad herself wore the navy color which is quite possibly the only piece of that color available since it was a sample.


  • JSK, blouse: Mary Magdalene. Hair accessory too (which I guess I forgot to wear for this picture)
  • Shoes - Taobao, they were hand painted to match the dress by apple salad. Her dedication to the project was crazy!



Apple salad also hand made pins for every participant of the Farutetto coordination. petit piaf additionally hand made necklaces(!).
They made a a pin/necklace for every participant for the color they wore. Since I wore mist, that was the color I received!


Socials of participants from Left to Right: tokkigo // beutalbaer // ordovicienne // petit_piaf // apple salad // kayarogoyski // me!
We were missing ivory due to participant being stuck in traffic T_T

Although I live close by, we decided to book a hotel in the city. It was the right thing to do as we were really tired every day! This picture is from a display at the hotel.

This is the haul I purchased at the convention! They were from indie hand makers include some from Japan. The postcard is designed by sakizo who also illustrated the Perfume Bottle dress by Mary Magdalene.

A picture from the ball in the evening.






More shenangians with my friends!

It was a really fun event! I can't imagine the amount of work that went to this by the staff.

P.S. here's a preview of my wardrobe post from 2023! If I can find the energy to finish, I will post it here


♪ Listening to BoA's 20th Anniversary concert! ♪ She used to be the hot shit back in the day haha.