I guess this is gonna be one of those "be real" entries.. I've been reluctant to share what I have been going through, but...

I wanted to talk more about important people in my life... My last post included how much Scarlett meant to me. Yet somehow I never managed to express that to her. Only to all my other friends!

****Dream Sheep - I've known him forever. Like almost as long as I've been on the internet (ᵕ—ᴗ—) Uh I might have been really young then.. like 15 (ᵕ—ᴗ—) ... that was like early 2000's (you can do the math (×_×))

He has been there for me during my most tough times. He's watched me grow. In my college days, I had crippling anxiety and he was there. I was scared to go out. Like even order food at a restaurant. Even to go to class. In more recent times, I was dealing with divorce and navigating a lot of complicated feelings. If you read my blog, you know I have been honest with my head space. He helped me get through a lot of these hard feelings. And being single has been difficult too. My low self esteem says no one could ever want me.

I feel incredibly grateful.. we don't talk super often. But he considers me a good friend and that makes me so happy ;_; I feel the same <3 It's like no matter how long time passes, our connection remains strong.

He is one of first people that made me feel "seen". Like he understands my suffering without effort. and he tries to soothe it ;_; It used to be so hard for me to express my desires to others. I didn't want to cause issues and create a hassle. I just wanted to minimize myself so others were happy.. Unfortunately this has caused some friendships to end due to misunderstandings. But Dream Sheep sees me (╥﹏╥)

****Jelly Honey - JH is a new person in my life. Never in my life have I felt so "seen." We operate on different wavelengths, but he really is curious and asks the right questions to understand my and soothe my suffering ;_;

He sees my flaws and accepts them as they are and only wants to get closer to me. Spending time with him makes me so happy. Even just talking is fine. Being around him makes me think, "wow, is this how life is supposed to feel like?" I never have to minimize myself for him. He wants just the real me, even if it's flawed.

I hope it's not weird I talk so much about my suffering. I do know I have a lot to be grateful for. I try to remain positive on this blog.. but I really wanted these people to know how much I care <3

I realize now how much I lost my sense of self. I try to state my needs now, but I'm not experienced at it and this has also caused lost friendships >_<

That was a very verbose post, sorry! Here is a preview of an upcoming post ^^

Thanks for reading!

♫⋆｡♪ ₊˚♬ ﾟ. Morning Musume - Genki+ ♫⋆｡♪ ₊˚♬ ﾟ.

Hello! A certain individual has urged me to update my diary more often.. but I was given an array of prompts which made it even harder for me haha (-‿-") I really like this individual so I will listen ehehehe (,,>﹏<,,)

I don't feel like I have much to talk about today.. so I'll just share a couple of pictures!

Oh and I do have a website update! I changed the guestbook so you can add comments without my involvement (I used to have to manually update the website.)

Unfortunately, I only know how to add the name field, I wish you guys could also add your own websites especially if you come from Neocities. Feel free to leave it in the comment (but I'm not sure if the URL itself is allowed).

Over the 4th of July weekend, I hung out with some friends! Scarlett and I went to Gilroy to pick up a friend ^^ At the time, I was feeling really bored and jealous of everyone spending time with their families enjoying a BBQ. Scarlett and I were feeling lonely~ I should have spent some time reframing and being grateful for what I have perhaps.

I'm kind of at a cross roads in my life.. there's been so many changes. Hopefully for the better. But I've certainly closed some doors and started a new chapter. Sorry to be speak so vaguely.

I'm really thankful Scarlett moved back to the Bay Area - now I can spend a lot of time with her. She is a really close friend of mine, she reminds me a lot of myself when I was younger.

When I was at one of my lowest points in my life, she was there for me. She made sure I took care of myself. And if it weren't for her, I am not sure where I would be today. I'm very thankful I got to spend a lot of the weekend with her.

This is her Aesop fragrance, she put a sticker of me on it, haha~

I was feeling surprised at how boogie the neighborhood my friend lives in! This is on a road close to his house ^^

I got a haircut! It's a hime cut (where there's hair to frame your face on the sides and it's cut quite blunt). I'm very happy with how it turned out!~

Another recent bunbun watercolor~ His bad hair day inspired me to write "This is fine", haha~

This bunbun is having a Simba moment~

I drew a person for once! I was eating cherries and wanted to do a color palette like that~

uhhh this is how I look at work lmao.. it's fun generating new AI backgrounds >< Sometimes I change it mid meeting to random stuff like "dogs catching marshmallows and chicken nuggies" ><

A recent outfit! I love pink and mint together~ And the tights with holes were fun! (Apologies it's so messy at my house ><)

I created this little booklet for myself.. since I am going through a lot of changes still. I wanted myself to point out how proud I should be. I'm not exactly sure how I'd like to articulate it yet, but I would like to try.

Thanks for reading my huge collection of random thoughts!

♫⋆｡♪ ₊˚♬ ﾟ. Ben Folds Five - Army ♫⋆｡♪ ₊˚♬ ﾟ.